when your job is an answered prayer

“i’m hiring you”

I have never heard a three-word phrase that could make me kilig to my core until I heard this. A little update on my life even when no one does care to know, I was hired two weeks ago and today is the last day of my first week as a developer. Just a quick run through of my life as a fresh graduate seeking his first job, I started applying as soon as I graduated on time last October 2020 (which is, by the way, I fasted and prayed several times). Weeks later, some of my friends were already receiving interview invites to job offers to employments. I was extremely happy for all of them but if I’m being honest, the pressure grew inside of me. I kept asking why am I not getting the same opportunities they get. If I am to count my applications on all employment websites, I know it would reach beyond two hundred. Swear. I received a couple of interview invites, technical exams, assessments, which I obviously failed. That’s the worst part of it, failing on every opportunity over and over again. Every time I tell my friends I did not pass, they always tell me that they know that I did my best and there is, for sure, something that is for me. It’s comforting but it’s still quite depressing, especially at night when you think of all your efforts on preparations for assessments and end up failing. It’s sad. It’s blank. It’s heartbreaking.

On November last year, I stumbled upon a job at Kalibrr that qualifies someone who has basic knowledge on front-end development technologies. I decided to give a try and they viewed my application the same day I sent it. I was really excited because it’s a job of my personal interest. I was taking short courses on Coursera about front-end development which I really enjoyed and then considered as a career. So finding a job like this is very coincidental. I prayed a couple of times to get this one. However, that was also the last time I heard from them until they contacted me again this February. And this time, I got interview invites, technical interviews, assessments that I had to pass, and finally, a final interview. On March 5, that’s when I heard what I have been wanting to hear for a long time but it was spoken on a three-word phrase: I’m hiring you. Going back on February 26, I was informed that I did okay on assessment and was already being congratulated. But I didn’t want to jinx the flow of good news so I kept it to myself until I can officially tell my family that I already got a job. I am grateful and blessed and happy. That’s all that I could think of.

So I started last Monday, quite overwhelmed and excited and nervous. Honestly, this week was jam-packed of different emotions. I feel so happy and blessed that I finally move on the ‘real-world’ but the fear is always there. I’m afraid to fail the ones who trusted me to work for their company. I don’t want to break their trust on whatever potential they saw in me on my application process. But grateful is an understatement of what I feel about them. I prayed about this, in fact I play The Juans’ Alam Niya on YouTube before every interview just to remind myself that God knows my cries and He’s on the move. When your job is an answered prayer, you really want to work hard and show them how much you appreciate their trust on you. This is quite what I feel right now, probably the reason why I feel pressured at some points. I know that I still have a lot of learning to do, but for them and for this opportunity that I prayed, I’m willing to work hard. Please God, help me on this. I am not yet a master of this field, but I’m trusting the process because I want to be a master of this. If not, at least someone who excels. I want to stay here. I want where I am now. You taught me a lot of things on that four months of applying and I am ready to grow more now at work.

I just want to declutter and be at peace before I go sleep. Because tomorrow, we do the laundry and study coding for the rest of the day. Goodnight!