let life happen

new year entry, of course but doing it a bit early. it’s not even Christmas yet but I am trying to get my head into what’s gonna happen next year. because to be frank, i don’t like how things have become. this year i get to tick a few items on my 2023 list but missed the most important ones. i spent my birthday on a charity work, watched theater which became my official me time to refresh, bought a film camera, bought more books, first time air travel, and a few couple of measurable things.

this year i hoped for four major things: good health, mindset, maturity and discipline. i even wrote these four on my notebook because i am the type of person who remembers better when i write them down, but i still failed. maybe i tried, so i will be giving myself the credit for trying and not let these four be just empty words. i started attending life classes in i am + coaching, i continued my gym membership, i have met with a couple of doctors, i have productivity and mental health apps and has been talking to a professional on one of them, i bought and read self-help books, set alarms for reminders, calendar reminders, notes, and all other stuff to help myself achieve these four. i did try so hard on all of these things but i don’t think that i did enough. i am trying to compare myself on my past selves and some things just got worse. some have improved but damn why do i have to be this person that i am. why can’t i be just like the other people. so next year, i guess there will be no new major goals for me to achieve because i just spilled over these four items from this year. i’ll try my best to be better than what i did this year and hopefully by the end of next year, i won’t be writing this same kind of entry because it’s quite depressing. maybe i’ll try to focus more on what i can do, not force anything, kung mangyayari’y mangyayari na lang, because most of the time i want things to happen my way. i’ll take leaps and do things scared, repeat to myself that i am healthy until it feels true, show and tell what i truly feel, give myself a chance to know people, and welcome things because life is just all about that.

kung mangyayari’y mangyayari na lang, i really loved this line from a Tabing Ilog song (i am actually thinking of having it tattooed in my arm but let’s see). let things be. let life happen. maybe this is what’s next year is gonna be all about.